Bite Me

Did anyone miss the Scientist? For six months, the Scientist ran off to Iraq, searching for components of mass destructions (notably sticks, nitrogen and lots of angry people). After failing to emulate his one-time hero Dr No, the Scientist has returned to his day job: whining.

It seems that nothing much has changed since the Scientist left. Iraq is still under the Americans, America is still under Bush and Bush is still under glue.

However, there seems to be growing scrutiny over the efficiency of hostage taking by badly equipped militants. Across the world, like the Philippines, Columbia, Iraq, South Africa and even some strange part of the Netherlands, people are kidnapping others for various reasons such as money, sex and general torture. Kidnapping people for the release of muhajedden or the withdrawal of troops is a very ineffective way to get you want.

When the kidnappings started, the Scientist decided to sneak away as quickly as possible before someone steals his components of mass destruction. However, because he was an alien (go figure), nobody was about to send him a C-130 Hercules for a ride back home.

So he got up on a little boat and set sail under the cover of the night with his components of mass destruction. However, somewhere near the Qatari seacoast, he was spotted by a police boat (they were holding AK-47s). Upon hearing a few warning shots and being in their spotlights, the Scientist decided to stand up.

Police: (In Qatarian English) Hey you! Stop now there! Hand Hold Up and Attention standing.
(The Scientist complies.)
Police: Question One - Are you Saddam Hussain, his sons or his long lost uncle? All your monies are us!
The Scientist: I am the evil Scientist, all hail in the mighty light of my formidable CMD! All of you shall die unless you surrender to me!
Police: Are you rich? Give us all your money or we will blast you out of the water!
The Scientist: Oh yeah, let's see who gets to blast who! (Funny whirring sound)
(Sound of gunfire, then silence)

If anyone said that shock and awe was supposed to win the war, it wasn't working for the Scientist.

The Scientist was then holding his CMD and floating in the oceans for quite a while, waiting for the Monsoon winds to bring him back to Singapore, where he could continue whining. After his failed attempt at holding the world hostage, the Scientist has to admit that being a cynic is a much easier job.

- posted by Damon @ 7:55 PM